As You Wish

Dearest Mr. Phelps,

Can I call you Michael? Ok good. First I want to start off by congratulating you on your 8 Olympic gold medals. That is quite an accomplishment and you should be very proud of yourself. I have to admit I hadn’t paid much attention to who you were until the Olympics this year, so to me you were just another face/ name in the crowd. Now that I do know who you are, holy cow you’re an amazing athlete.

I heard on the radio yesterday that you are currently single. When asked if you could meet any celebrity who would it be, you answered, “Lindsay Lohan.” WTF? You do realize that she's totally not catching from your team anymore right? Why not date Amanda Beard or Natalie Coughlin. I mean they’re both obviously gorgeous, each are also gold medal winners, you already know them, they’re both swimmers, and you are all sponsored by Speedo. What could be better?

Amanda Beard

I have also heard many people say that you need to do something about your ears and teeth. You know what? My opinion counts for nothing, but I think you look just fine the way you are. It’s even kind of cute when you are being interviewed and you stutter. Don’t change who you are to fit the mold of what society thinks you should look like (ahem…even though you are a little goofy…*cough). Sorry about that I had to clear my throat.
I watched your interview with Bob Costas and Mark Spitz and I was very touched (not physically you perverts). I could tell you were fighting back tears and honestly if you would have cried it would've been ok. Mark had such beautiful things to say about you and it was a very moving moment in your life.

Your mom reminds Andrew of Marie Barone, the mother on Everybody Loves Raymond. I think that’s pretty funny. You probably wouldn’t and neither would your mother, but that’s ok. I have to add that I saw your interview with Bob Costas and your mother and she doesn't really seem like Marie Barone. She seems like a very nice lady. For the sake of anyone you might date I hope she isn't like Marie.

That $550 full body swim thing (official name LZR Racer) that Speedo gave you to wear looks painful and oh so uncomfortable. Is it really necessary? It might cut down on resistance, but you can only stuff so much in there before it gives. You know? One more thing...if you decide to retire from swimming (not that you are or anything) you should definitely cut back on your intake of food. I heard how much you eat in a day and if you aren't swimming and you eat that much you are going to be huge. By huge I mean fat, not huge as in Olympic gold medalist (8 times).

Have a fantastic day!

Much Love,

Allison

*Photos courtesy of Google Images unless otherwise specified