As You Wish

My least favorite thing about looking for a new job is the drug test. I hate having to pee in a cup. It is such a pain to actually get your pee in the cup without peeing all over yourself. Mabye its just me that has that problem, but I don't like it. I mean I really don't like having to fill out application after application in hopes that someone will call, but the drug test is the worst.

Guys have it so easy because they have a 99.9% chance of getting it in the cup. I'm not saying I would prefer to be a guy, but they have a dangly doodad they can practically just poke in the cup and do their business. Ok I'm done poking fun at guys (hehe poke).

The best/ worst part was when I couldn't pee enough to fill the cup past the line. The line was about a half an inch from the bottom of the cup and I couldn't do it. I filled it about halfway as much as she told me to. She didn't say I had to try again or anything, but I felt my insignificant amount of pee was sad.

That's all for now. I just had to talk about pee for a minute.

I'm sure most people have heard the saying "to make a long story short." Well...this is not the case here. This is just going to be long and possibly boring, but I have to vent and what better way than in a blog?

I am currently looking for a new job. Not because I want to. No. Its because my boss told me on Monday that the end is near.

About six months ago my boss told me that a company from back East was contemplating buying his business. This was great news for him because he really wants to get out of a manager position and ween himself out of working. Over the next few months he would give me the update, "maybe next week we will hear something." I got quite accustomed to hearing that and I started to believe that it wasn't ever going to happen.

At one point an employee of the company came and had a meeting with us just to let us know what was going on. He made the company sound spectacular. They had better benefits, possible raises all around, travel for orientation and training, and all we had to wait for was the approval from the parent company. "Maybe next week we will hear something," he says. He assured us that even if the parent company decided they didn't want to go through with the purchase they would still buy the my boss' business. We all had a renewed hope and I admit I was excited. All we had to do was be patient and wait for the go ahead.

In December my boss told me that they got the go ahead to buy his business and the only thing left to do was sign paperwork. He told me he would have to make a trip back East to sign paperwork the week of January 7th. It was all starting to finally come together and he was so happy. So was I. I was finally going to have good insurance (not that my insurance is horrible, but should I ever need to see a doctor I would have to go to the emergency room because that is the only place that is in my insurance company's coverage), a retirement fund, more money, more experience, etc etc etc.

Last week on Thursday my boss told me that the company called him and said they decided not to go through with the purchase. At this point my boss was very discouraged, as was I, and he told me that I was going to have to go part-time sometime in the future. On Monday this week I asked when he was thinking about making me part-time and his response was, "Well I was thinking and I think this will be your last full-time week. I don't know when I will need you after that, but I will call you when you should come in." WTF? I really wasn't expecting this that soon. I thought maybe in a couple of weeks I would start working part-time, but no.

On Tuesday he said he wanted me to work half a day Wednesday and take the rest of the week off. I think he thought he was doing me a favor by letting me have the rest of the week to look for a new job, but really by the time we had that conversation I already exhausted most of my options for new employment. He wants me to come in for a couple of days next week to wrap some things up and try to teach him practically everything I have been doing for the past year. That should be fun. Neither of us has a very long attention span and he is not very good with computers.

A bit of good news: our neighbor called and told me she had a proposal. My response was, "I don't think Andrew will approve, but that's ok go ahead." She told me that her office's front desk needs to be covered for a couple of weeks while the woman who works there is on vacation. The even better news is that before I started working at my current job I was working at the front desk of this office, so I know exactly what to do when I show up. I only hope that while working for her I can find a new job in the next couple of weeks. I am keeping a positive attitude about the situation because I'm a believer in everything happening for a reason. This is a crappy situation, but Andrew keeps assuring me that in a few months I will look back at this and laugh. I hope so.

Let me start by saying I know I am not the only that does this. At least one of my roommates in college did this too.

Whenever I take a shower instead of letting all my hair fall down the drain I like to stick it to the wall and dispose of it when I am done. Well...occasionally I forget to dispose of it and it is left there for Andrew's enjoyment. By enjoyment I mean he absolutely hates it. When he sees this monstrosity he screams and gags, but not necessarily in that order. He has a phobia of hair. Lucky for him he shaves his head. Even luckier I don't shave mine and I have a ton of hair.

Side note: just to give you an idea of how much hair I have. I have donated my hair to Locks of Love in the past. One of the requirements for donating hair is it must be 10" from tip to tip in a ponytail or braid tied off at both ends. I have so much hair that when I went to cut it I had to separate it into two braids because the stylist couldn't cut through one braid.

Our house is covered from top to bottom with hair. My hair falls out in handfuls each day and for some strange reason I still have so much you couldn't tell I had lost any (thank God for that). I truly believe that I should be bald because of the amount of hair that falls out. I think Andrew would like it better if I was bald. He might not like to look at me, but he would feel 100 times better.

Some of the places you can find my hair:

• In my brush.
• All over the floor in the bathroom.
• In the bed.
• Inside every single pair of Andrew's undergarments after doing laundry.
• All over every blanket on the couch and bed.
• My back.
• My chair at work.
• One time it made it into Andrew's sandwich I made him for lunch. ONE TIME!
• I leave at least one strand in every place I go. (That includes ALF's house, sorry about that.)
• The shower drain.
• The shower wall.

I know my hair loss is disgusting to most (especially Andrew), but I don't know what to tell you. It is going to continue for the rest of my life I'm sure. I guess I'm just used to it. Somehow I need to figure out how to desensitize him. You'd think after two years together he would be used to it, but no not even a little bit. He hates it just as much today as he did two years ago.

Nothing much to report on. We made it back from vacation. It was nice to get out of town for 2 weeks and relax, but I have to be honest...I was so happy to get back home. Andrew's parents were more than hospitable, it was to see some of his friends, and my friend Janice's wedding in Vegas was very cute.

I ate as much as a person could possibly eat while we were gone and I'm glad to be back trying to eat healthier. We decided we would eat whatever we wanted to while on vacation, but as soon as we were back home again we would behave ourselves and try to lose some weight. I think we both gained about 10 pounds while we were gone and I pretty much hate myself for it. Ok now I'm over it.

I don't have any pictures today because my camera died on the second day of vacation and I didn't take the cord to recharge it. Thankfully Andrew had his, so I will post some later.

Today I had to call into a conference hearing and I was a bit nervous about it. I don't really know why...I wasn't the one the hearing was for, but nevertheless I was still nervous. I just knew that once it came time for me to speak I was going to be a complete idiot and they were going to be recording every second of it. I would love to go into detail about the reason for the hearing, but unfortunately I'm not allowed to. So...just to be sure I was on time for the hearing I called a few minutes early and I was the first one to the "room." I decided to take a couple of big drinks of water before anyone else called in, so when it was time for me to talk I wouldn't have cotton mouth. Right after taking the drinks the phone beeped to let me know that a couple of other people were now on the line and then it happened. I had to burp. I thought to myself oh great, just perfect, yeah sure why not burp right in the ear of a judge and administrative representative that would be real professional. I'm sure by now Andrew is laughing his butt off because he knows what my burps are like and let me tell you they are not petite by any means. You will be relieved to know that the urge went away and the rest of the conversation was completely painless.

After the hearing was over I decided I should make a trip home to use the bathroom. I no longer use the bathroom in our shop because a couple of months ago I saw a gigantic black widow spider right next to my bare bottom while going pee and that cured me of wanting to use that bathroom. Plus, the guys here use my bathroom, so it is so gross (picture me shaking my fist at those dirty men). Anyway...we only live about 3 minutes from my office, so I don't see it as that big of a deal. I walked out the door of my office and clicked the lock button on my key fob. You might be thinking to yourself oh you silly girl you should have clicked the unlock button because you're getting in your car. Oh no, that's not the reason I did it at all. I clicked the lock button because at that moment in time my brain farted and I thought that would lock the door to my office.

Sometimes it just feels better to cry.